To be honest, I have to say that I am lost now!
I'm not so sure about the things that i am doing now. I am afraid of the decision I made can make an affection towards my family. Is this so called fear of unknown..?
Whether to accept the job offer? whether the job suit me or not? whether should accept the one with higher salary? whether to take the one which give higher status? I really dont know what to choose...
I am extremely suffer right now!
None of them in my family could understand my situation. Therefore, the only way i can do is...keep all the things in my mind.
Fuck My Life! Why it turns our life in trouble so sudden? It's not fair to me....
I knew that's nothing fair in this realistic world. But just i couldn't take it!
Another thing that make me suffer is the guy! I am wondering how he takes me in his mind. Am I really important to him? but why he seemed not really care about me? or he is busying with his stuff? I knew I am getting more and more greedy. I don't deserve any cares and loves from anyone actually.
But I found his word make some meaning to me....It this is going to happen...please la be frank to me...
I don't like to play in guessing game...
And..i don't have the patience to play on this kind of games....
Alright...fine...I am just too complicated...
I don't know what i want....I don't know where shall i go...I lost my direction....
I gave a lot of advice to my friends, relatives, and others....but just can't find a simple one to tell myself...
I am out of control!!!
In short, I am LOST!
A fallen angel from heaven? Or a devil from hell?
我的简介
- Lizzy
- Kapar, Klang, Selangor, Malaysia
- Welcome to my secret garden! Seeking advice, ideas, and opinion from the floor... No one seemed to be PERFECT, however, i wish i can be the one who is PERFECT through mistakes and lessons...
2013年6月14日星期五
The dilemma of a TRANSFORMER!
Oh yeah...actually it should be great to announce that YAP HONG LI has been officially graduated from INTI INTERNATIONAL UNIVERSITY in MAY 2013.
However, it doesn't look good at all. No longer a student, but an adult. Everyone is asking me about my future planning.
I am doubt...Earlier on, I have my very first little dream. Yet, the dream cannot be fulfilled in the end due to some financial constraints. Alright, i can understand that. I decided to let go the plan of working and travelling in US.
Later, my dear JOYSEET has come out with fantastic idea which we delay our plan for work and travel. After some researches, we have finally decided not to go US but make it at AUSTRALIA.
YEAH...it sounds good to go now. We both have an agreement. Before the age of 25, we must step into the land of AUSTRALIA, whoever failed to perform will need to treat the other party for a FREE TRIP to MALDIVES! what an evil plan! wakakaka...but i am really look forward on this.
Unfortunately, as i have graduated, bad things came together as well. It seemed like the god is challenging my tolerance and patience in deciding on the matters.
I am just 22!. Why do you treat me in such a cruel way? I am wondering.
Am i looked tough enough to face all these obstacles? Am i seemed so strong to be superwoman?
In fact, i don't. But i need to pretend that I AM!
Nobody knows how suffer I am. No one knows how struggle I am.
I have my way. I have my plan....But why...nobody is willing to listen to me?
Whenever i have made a decision, I don't get support.
I knew there are a lot of considerations but standing in the line of being selfish or not...i really can't decide on which way to go...
My new journey just get started....This is about my life...Why I can't make the decision myself?
Doesn't mean that your stand is wrong, but I wish that you can hear from my part as well.
What does FAMILY means?
FAMILY remind me of Father and Mother I Love You.
That's it.
Especially to my dearest daddy...you know what...you have invested few hundred thousand just to provide me the education. And wanting to me to work for you after graduated? Understand that you have been using years to build your dynasty, you don't want it to be ended just like this but wishing to expand it bigger and wider...I understand that...i knew all that...
From another point of view, have you ever asked me about my opinion? whether i like it or not? whether i have my own planning or not...if i have no idea what to do where to do, i am fine with all your arrangement.
BUT....i have my own life planning...
I blame all these on my brother...a stubborn and hot-tempered guy who never think of other's
No doubt, he is the best brother ever as he cares his family member...but...when the time he get mad...sorry...he is crazy...
My brain is extremely complicated now...I dont even know what i wanna tell...
Just write on the things that float on my mind now...
Where have all the angels gone? I need angels to save me from the devils....
Phobia of making decision...especially....when the decision is crucial...and when it is all related to me!
FML!!!!!
However, it doesn't look good at all. No longer a student, but an adult. Everyone is asking me about my future planning.
I am doubt...Earlier on, I have my very first little dream. Yet, the dream cannot be fulfilled in the end due to some financial constraints. Alright, i can understand that. I decided to let go the plan of working and travelling in US.
Later, my dear JOYSEET has come out with fantastic idea which we delay our plan for work and travel. After some researches, we have finally decided not to go US but make it at AUSTRALIA.
YEAH...it sounds good to go now. We both have an agreement. Before the age of 25, we must step into the land of AUSTRALIA, whoever failed to perform will need to treat the other party for a FREE TRIP to MALDIVES! what an evil plan! wakakaka...but i am really look forward on this.
Unfortunately, as i have graduated, bad things came together as well. It seemed like the god is challenging my tolerance and patience in deciding on the matters.
I am just 22!. Why do you treat me in such a cruel way? I am wondering.
Am i looked tough enough to face all these obstacles? Am i seemed so strong to be superwoman?
In fact, i don't. But i need to pretend that I AM!
Nobody knows how suffer I am. No one knows how struggle I am.
I have my way. I have my plan....But why...nobody is willing to listen to me?
Whenever i have made a decision, I don't get support.
I knew there are a lot of considerations but standing in the line of being selfish or not...i really can't decide on which way to go...
My new journey just get started....This is about my life...Why I can't make the decision myself?
Doesn't mean that your stand is wrong, but I wish that you can hear from my part as well.
What does FAMILY means?
FAMILY remind me of Father and Mother I Love You.
That's it.
Especially to my dearest daddy...you know what...you have invested few hundred thousand just to provide me the education. And wanting to me to work for you after graduated? Understand that you have been using years to build your dynasty, you don't want it to be ended just like this but wishing to expand it bigger and wider...I understand that...i knew all that...
From another point of view, have you ever asked me about my opinion? whether i like it or not? whether i have my own planning or not...if i have no idea what to do where to do, i am fine with all your arrangement.
BUT....i have my own life planning...
I blame all these on my brother...a stubborn and hot-tempered guy who never think of other's
No doubt, he is the best brother ever as he cares his family member...but...when the time he get mad...sorry...he is crazy...
My brain is extremely complicated now...I dont even know what i wanna tell...
Just write on the things that float on my mind now...
Where have all the angels gone? I need angels to save me from the devils....
Phobia of making decision...especially....when the decision is crucial...and when it is all related to me!
FML!!!!!
2012年11月13日星期二
Angel vs Zombie-Round 1
其实，我并不喜欢当听众
其实，我并不喜欢当小丑
你从来都没发现...
其实，我只是在讨你开心而故作不经意
这是唯一可以听到你消息的连接线
会因为你的回应而开心、喜悦
也会因为你的分享失落、难过
反正我也没差
那就继续这样下去吧~
你说：“失去才懂得珍惜，为什么我珍惜了还是会失去？”
我不懂
其实你说的简单，到底有多简单？
其实，我并不喜欢当小丑
你从来都没发现...
其实，我只是在讨你开心而故作不经意
这是唯一可以听到你消息的连接线
会因为你的回应而开心、喜悦
也会因为你的分享失落、难过
反正我也没差
那就继续这样下去吧~
你说：“失去才懂得珍惜，为什么我珍惜了还是会失去？”
我不懂
其实你说的简单，到底有多简单？
2012年1月7日星期六
It's 2012
OMG~
Suddenly realize that i have been quite a long time didn't update myself here...
As most of you knoew that I'm "busy" person...hehe
Finally...finished my internship and it's quite memorable to me.
Specially thx to my boss Jaguar Lim! Thx for providing me a fantastic working environment n also taught me a lot of things.
Next up...my best buddy ever- Vvoon Lee, I am glad to know all of them! sincerely speaking...All of u r awesome!!! Some others including Josie, Vince bear, Johnny, charles, jeffrey. alan chang, hooi wen, kathy...and many others...
You guys impressed me!
Not only gain the experience from Jaguar group but also the friendship which can't be bought by monetary...
Frankly speaking, there won't be perfect in one's life.
I met trouble at the same time. The relationship between me and my family members are becoming worse~
I knew what the problem is but i just can't fix it~
i have tried my best to improve myself to be better but i failed to do so.
It's communication~we are lack of communication.
Even if I wanted to talk with them but they will insist their point so what i have said is nothing.
Thus, normally we would end up with dissatisfaction!
Why can't I balance my life ?
I'm not greedy...
I have to acknowledge that I'm stubborn too. I won't listen to my parents when they are trying to talk with me.
I didn't know what i'm supposed to do subsequently.
Very fast, I'm stepping forward to the age of 21. Looking forward to get my "gold" key n I'm FREE !
With the "gold" key, I'm considered as an adult! I need not to get permission anymore???
I think that's no way for me to do this. No matter how old am I, I still will be restricted as a child.
sigh...this is my faith!
I knew that they are caring me but what i need is freedom! I am looking ways to be successful~
Hoping that we could talk heart 2 heart one day instead of quarrelling almost everyday~
last but not least...my new year wishes...
wish i could.....
be recognized by MEG as a top rookie advisor
earn more than 1K every month
meet my Mr.Right soon
improve my relationship with my family
So...It's 2012!!!
let's say goodbye to 2011 and cheer for 2012!!!
Strive strive strive!
Suddenly realize that i have been quite a long time didn't update myself here...
As most of you knoew that I'm "busy" person...hehe
Finally...finished my internship and it's quite memorable to me.
Specially thx to my boss Jaguar Lim! Thx for providing me a fantastic working environment n also taught me a lot of things.
Next up...my best buddy ever- Vvoon Lee, I am glad to know all of them! sincerely speaking...All of u r awesome!!! Some others including Josie, Vince bear, Johnny, charles, jeffrey. alan chang, hooi wen, kathy...and many others...
You guys impressed me!
Not only gain the experience from Jaguar group but also the friendship which can't be bought by monetary...
Frankly speaking, there won't be perfect in one's life.
I met trouble at the same time. The relationship between me and my family members are becoming worse~
I knew what the problem is but i just can't fix it~
i have tried my best to improve myself to be better but i failed to do so.
It's communication~we are lack of communication.
Even if I wanted to talk with them but they will insist their point so what i have said is nothing.
Thus, normally we would end up with dissatisfaction!
Why can't I balance my life ?
I'm not greedy...
I have to acknowledge that I'm stubborn too. I won't listen to my parents when they are trying to talk with me.
I didn't know what i'm supposed to do subsequently.
Very fast, I'm stepping forward to the age of 21. Looking forward to get my "gold" key n I'm FREE !
With the "gold" key, I'm considered as an adult! I need not to get permission anymore???
I think that's no way for me to do this. No matter how old am I, I still will be restricted as a child.
sigh...this is my faith!
I knew that they are caring me but what i need is freedom! I am looking ways to be successful~
Hoping that we could talk heart 2 heart one day instead of quarrelling almost everyday~
last but not least...my new year wishes...
wish i could.....
be recognized by MEG as a top rookie advisor
earn more than 1K every month
meet my Mr.Right soon
improve my relationship with my family
So...It's 2012!!!
let's say goodbye to 2011 and cheer for 2012!!!
Strive strive strive!
2011年3月29日星期二
My Big Day-20th Birthday part 2
After the celebration with all my super nice friends...i have to go back to INTI again...=.=
20th March 2011
i was forced to go back Inti since i have classes on monday as regualr...
but this night...i went for cicak birthday celebration...impressively...LEO club's members are all crazy...they bought "kicap" n flour and intended to pour it to Cicak (the birthday guy)....OMG...what the Hxxx...
after the celebration...i went back my room n continue with my study...
at the same time, an incident happened...my bro was missing after he fetched me back to INTI...His phone was off and nobody knew where he has gone...my mom keep calling me and asked my the possibility places that he might go...but i got no ideas about that...very soon...it was nearly 1pm...i was waiting for my bro's news....finally....my mom called me and said he was back...only then...i dare to sleep...
21st March 2011
Since i slept at 2am the previous night, i was so tired this day....i got no choice but to attend (HRM)8am class...then continue with my (MGT)10am until 12 noon...within this period, joyseet messaged me and asked me when i m free? i didn;t know what she wanna do with me...curious....finally...my class ended up at 11.30am...then i went back to my room for a nap...be4 my napping time, joysset and chiu ling came to my room...they have given me a cup cake from starbuck attached with a card together...so sweet...felt so happy...no wonder they found me so urgent...coz they scared the cake will melt...>.<
thx them a lot...after that...contine my (IB) class at 1pm...luckily it was only one hour class...
then, i continued with my anoying stuffs...frankly...i was waiting for surprise since this day was my birthday eve...but...all of my friends did nothing...i was quite disappointed at the begining...but.....here they came...
i didn't take my proper meal this day from morning until night...ate only a piece of cup cake n drink a glass of milo...i was starving...i asked jia wen for dinner but she has refused me...i was like...abandoned by her....sad...she asked me to go for an assignment discussion be4 she agreed to accompany me for dinner...but after the discussion...it was nearly 11pm...then she requested to take shower be4 we went for our "dinner"...i asked sze yin go n ah zhe go along with us as well...no doubt to say that...i was not looking forward for any surprises that time...since everything seemed to be normal...
here they came...i didn't realize that it was 12am...suddenly...our group(leng zai leng lui group) appeared in front of me with a cake n sang birthday song simultaneously...that time...i was really very happy but shy since all the people was staring on me...very quickly...camera was on...and aaron was the one who captured every single of our actions...thx him a lot...nice camera + nice shooting...
and...the present that i have received from them...errr...the present...1 pink color t-back + i disgusting black sticky mice....the last but not least...a card from all of them...
=.=! quite memorable...this was my day...i thought it would be ended up with this celebration, however, there is something else....
22nd March 2011
As usual, i went for 8am class today...and...people keep wishing me along the way to my class...
=)...Penny and Lacus gave me a cake when i went to macro class at 2pm...so sweet....thx them a lot....XD
at night, i was involving in sport fiesta...at the same time, i have a meeting at 8pm...thus, i have to go for meeting in the half way...Leo's members gave me a surprise be4 the meeting started...they sang me a birthday song and gave me a cake as well...wow...i received a lot of cakes...but...since i gotto rush back to vball court...i requested to report all of my charity night sutffs first be4 i left....(luckily i was left...if not....i dunno what they gonna treat me with the creamy cake...=.=) i went back to the court and continue to participate in the competition...although my group lose at the end....but we were happy since we enjoyed the games...
very quickly...we ended up our competition at 10.45pm...it was quite early for us....coz normally we will have our regular training until 11.30pm...then...we played the ball for fun...we joked and talked while cleaning up the court....suddenly....these fellas....drank water at the same time...joyseet asked whether i m thirsty and she was willing to give me some...i was alerted...they might gonna do something with the water to me...i walked away from them....but...these fellas surrounded me....at the end....they poured the water towards me...n i was wet...=.=
finally....it's over...12 am again...my big day was over....
they asked me went back for shower first then only have supper together with them...
this night...AWESOME! i would never forget what u guys have given me....thx for doing everything for me...
special thanks to Chong Yan who made a touching video that will make me cry everytime i viewed it... a card from HK by yan and a card from Taiwan by Danny....
special thanks to Jia wen n her Bf who bought me a crstal bracelet that will help me to get a "white horse"
special thanks to Joyseet, chiu ling, penny and Lacus for buying me a delicious cake...
special thanks to vball club n leo club members...for making my life difficult....=.=
special thanks to Szing who has bought me an iPhone cover....
special thanks to everyone who has wished me and done something to me....
People....!It is great to know u guys....U guys made my day!
Forgive me if i din metion ur name here...=X
At the end.....thank you....
20th March 2011
i was forced to go back Inti since i have classes on monday as regualr...
but this night...i went for cicak birthday celebration...impressively...LEO club's members are all crazy...they bought "kicap" n flour and intended to pour it to Cicak (the birthday guy)....OMG...what the Hxxx...
after the celebration...i went back my room n continue with my study...
at the same time, an incident happened...my bro was missing after he fetched me back to INTI...His phone was off and nobody knew where he has gone...my mom keep calling me and asked my the possibility places that he might go...but i got no ideas about that...very soon...it was nearly 1pm...i was waiting for my bro's news....finally....my mom called me and said he was back...only then...i dare to sleep...
21st March 2011
Since i slept at 2am the previous night, i was so tired this day....i got no choice but to attend (HRM)8am class...then continue with my (MGT)10am until 12 noon...within this period, joyseet messaged me and asked me when i m free? i didn;t know what she wanna do with me...curious....finally...my class ended up at 11.30am...then i went back to my room for a nap...be4 my napping time, joysset and chiu ling came to my room...they have given me a cup cake from starbuck attached with a card together...so sweet...felt so happy...no wonder they found me so urgent...coz they scared the cake will melt...>.<
thx them a lot...after that...contine my (IB) class at 1pm...luckily it was only one hour class...
then, i continued with my anoying stuffs...frankly...i was waiting for surprise since this day was my birthday eve...but...all of my friends did nothing...i was quite disappointed at the begining...but.....here they came...
i didn't take my proper meal this day from morning until night...ate only a piece of cup cake n drink a glass of milo...i was starving...i asked jia wen for dinner but she has refused me...i was like...abandoned by her....sad...she asked me to go for an assignment discussion be4 she agreed to accompany me for dinner...but after the discussion...it was nearly 11pm...then she requested to take shower be4 we went for our "dinner"...i asked sze yin go n ah zhe go along with us as well...no doubt to say that...i was not looking forward for any surprises that time...since everything seemed to be normal...
here they came...i didn't realize that it was 12am...suddenly...our group(leng zai leng lui group) appeared in front of me with a cake n sang birthday song simultaneously...that time...i was really very happy but shy since all the people was staring on me...very quickly...camera was on...and aaron was the one who captured every single of our actions...thx him a lot...nice camera + nice shooting...
and...the present that i have received from them...errr...the present...1 pink color t-back + i disgusting black sticky mice....the last but not least...a card from all of them...
=.=! quite memorable...this was my day...i thought it would be ended up with this celebration, however, there is something else....
22nd March 2011
As usual, i went for 8am class today...and...people keep wishing me along the way to my class...
=)...Penny and Lacus gave me a cake when i went to macro class at 2pm...so sweet....thx them a lot....XD
at night, i was involving in sport fiesta...at the same time, i have a meeting at 8pm...thus, i have to go for meeting in the half way...Leo's members gave me a surprise be4 the meeting started...they sang me a birthday song and gave me a cake as well...wow...i received a lot of cakes...but...since i gotto rush back to vball court...i requested to report all of my charity night sutffs first be4 i left....(luckily i was left...if not....i dunno what they gonna treat me with the creamy cake...=.=) i went back to the court and continue to participate in the competition...although my group lose at the end....but we were happy since we enjoyed the games...
very quickly...we ended up our competition at 10.45pm...it was quite early for us....coz normally we will have our regular training until 11.30pm...then...we played the ball for fun...we joked and talked while cleaning up the court....suddenly....these fellas....drank water at the same time...joyseet asked whether i m thirsty and she was willing to give me some...i was alerted...they might gonna do something with the water to me...i walked away from them....but...these fellas surrounded me....at the end....they poured the water towards me...n i was wet...=.=
finally....it's over...12 am again...my big day was over....
they asked me went back for shower first then only have supper together with them...
this night...AWESOME! i would never forget what u guys have given me....thx for doing everything for me...
special thanks to Chong Yan who made a touching video that will make me cry everytime i viewed it... a card from HK by yan and a card from Taiwan by Danny....
special thanks to Jia wen n her Bf who bought me a crstal bracelet that will help me to get a "white horse"
special thanks to Joyseet, chiu ling, penny and Lacus for buying me a delicious cake...
special thanks to vball club n leo club members...for making my life difficult....=.=
special thanks to Szing who has bought me an iPhone cover....
special thanks to everyone who has wished me and done something to me....
People....!It is great to know u guys....U guys made my day!
Forgive me if i din metion ur name here...=X
At the end.....thank you....
2011年3月22日星期二
My Big Day-20th Birthday part 1
18th March 2011, 7.07pm
I was back from Nilai...When i first stepped into my room, my mom told me there were few letters for me...
Huh?!....I was like....errr....guessing who r these ppl...eventually...my assumptions are all correct...
both of the birthday cards whichr full of blessing came from HK n Taiwan...
It's very obvious when i first saw the writing...
The one which is cute n round definitely was from Yan...the another which looked "not so nice" was from Danny...
While reading the words from them...i was touched by them...
thank you very much for sending me the cards...i will keep it and save it...
19th March 2011, 8.00pm
I was appointed to fetch jeffinfree along the way towards yumi's house...after that, yumi bring us to "The Chapter" which is in Botanic...
This was the first small gathering after CNY...We have been long time din meet each other...
While waiting the food to be served....we were chating with each other abt how's our life recently...
Since we were the first customers for that night...the boss offered us a lot of special drinks...it's nice but we didn't know that we have to pay extra for it...=.=
No doubt to say that...we were the noisiest within that cafe...haiz...get used to it...we are who we are...haha
should i be proud of this? for sure...yes!
hehe...moreover...i was enjoying webcam with my dear yan in HK...No matter how far we r, our heart n mind r still stick together...for evidence...we still can celebrate birthday together thru netwoek...thx to the advance technology...
quite happy for this day...enjoy having fun with all my " sun you"
*Because all of u mean so much to me. Thus i pray that we will always somehow keep in touch as days and years go by!*
to be continued....
coz going for vball training now=.=
I was back from Nilai...When i first stepped into my room, my mom told me there were few letters for me...
Huh?!....I was like....errr....guessing who r these ppl...eventually...my assumptions are all correct...
both of the birthday cards whichr full of blessing came from HK n Taiwan...
It's very obvious when i first saw the writing...
The one which is cute n round definitely was from Yan...the another which looked "not so nice" was from Danny...
While reading the words from them...i was touched by them...
thank you very much for sending me the cards...i will keep it and save it...
19th March 2011, 8.00pm
I was appointed to fetch jeffinfree along the way towards yumi's house...after that, yumi bring us to "The Chapter" which is in Botanic...
This was the first small gathering after CNY...We have been long time din meet each other...
While waiting the food to be served....we were chating with each other abt how's our life recently...
Since we were the first customers for that night...the boss offered us a lot of special drinks...it's nice but we didn't know that we have to pay extra for it...=.=
No doubt to say that...we were the noisiest within that cafe...haiz...get used to it...we are who we are...haha
should i be proud of this? for sure...yes!
hehe...moreover...i was enjoying webcam with my dear yan in HK...No matter how far we r, our heart n mind r still stick together...for evidence...we still can celebrate birthday together thru netwoek...thx to the advance technology...
quite happy for this day...enjoy having fun with all my " sun you"
*Because all of u mean so much to me. Thus i pray that we will always somehow keep in touch as days and years go by!*
to be continued....
coz going for vball training now=.=
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